Christian Women and Relationships

How are you doing so far in this striving for simplicity?  Up to this point, we’ve talked about putting God first by making time for reading and studying His word. And making prayer a priority.   We’ve talked about our schedules and ways to incorporate all the things that need to happen. I wrote about taking care of our home and why it’s important.  Taking care of ourselves was another topic.  Why did I throw that in there?  Because you are important, and if you don’t take of yourself then you can’t take care of others.  Bless you, if you are still with me and my ramblings!

Speaking of others, let’s talk about relationships today.  Not necessarily man and woman, more woman to woman.  Although some of it may apply to those couple relationships too. 

Woman to woman

We wear a lot of hats these days, don’t we?  I’ll use myself as an example.   I am a wife, a daughter, a mom, grandmom, aunt, friend, sister, business owner, a ministry leader, and a volunteer.  Not to mention the roles that fall under each category!  How many of these categories do you fit in?  Anything I didn’t mention?   Leave it in the comments below, I’m curious how many different roles women take on.

What do all of these roles have in common?  Two things:  You and people.   And guess what?  I’m not much of a people person.  I grew up being very shy.  Without going into too much detail, I learned that a lot of it had to do with my name.   My first name was hardly ever pronounced right, and I had a nickname that only felt right with my family.  Much to my embarrassment, I was introduced by that nickname to neighbors and teachers.   I still blush when I say it.  I tried to embrace it in my adult years by naming my business after it, but it still felt awkward, so I renamed my business.  It wasn’t until I was 15 years old that the shortened version of my name “Jo” became an identity for me.  Names are important!  (That’s a whole other blog post!)

People skills

What I mean by not being much of a people person is that I am introverted in the sense that I long for alone time, particularly after big, people-y, events.  It is how I recharge and am able to face groups of family and friends once again.   After big events, you can find me taking walks alone, watching a show alone, zoning out on my computer alone, or reading books, etc.  I need it to recharge.   It has been extremely difficult for my dear husband to understand, as he is always near wanting to talk. 

This is where people skills come into play.  Sometimes I can’t get that time to recharge yet I still have to be nice.  I can say nicely, “I need some space right now, but in an hour, I’ll meet you on the deck with some tea”  or something like that.   I guarantee that two minutes before the hour he will be out on the deck waiting for me.  Telling him I need space is walking a fine line because he needs me right now and doesn’t understand the concept.   Communicating in amicable ways works most of the time.

Same with all of the other people in our lives.  We have to have some semblance of congeniality.  Congeniality.  Is that an old-fashioned word?  I don’t know but It’s a great word.  If we look up synonyms for it, we come up with words like kindred, easy to get along with, sociable, neighborly, hospitable, friendly, pleasant, likable, and nice.  

Here are my thoughts regarding keeping relationships simple in a nutshell:   Be congenial,  make time, be understanding, and be quick to forgive.

Be nice to people

This includes all of the people in your life.  Including your kids.  Remember what mom used to say?  “If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all.”  That means that we have to be friendly towards others even when we don’t feel like it.  Smiling is a big deal.  If I find that I just cannot, I hurriedly make my way home as soon as I am able.  I don’t want to act in such a way that would grieve the holy spirit.   There are times when I have to repent on the spot.  Even if it is just under my breath, while smiling and nodding.  Overall, it is not hard to be nice to others.  Look people in the eye when talking to them.  Smile.  Listen.  The way we treat people reflects our disposition.  Treat others the way we wish to be treated.   

Make time

We need to make it a point to visit with family and friends.  Being able to work side by side with friends or family members is a bonus.  I love when there is a group of us in the kitchen (either at home or church) working and sharing.  There is usually a lot of laughing and learning going on.  It is so refreshing. 

Dinner out with friends is a great way to spend time together.  Playing board games with family is another great way to check-in.  I love playing games and especially love when we play games after family dinners.  I plan for it.  And yes, inviting friends over for family dinner is so doable! 

The key is to make the time.  Make time to see your mom.  To call your siblings.  I am so bad at this.  I tend to overlook those relationships if people are not in my immediate circle of busyness.  Certainly, I don’t mean to.  Time just gets away.  So here I am on record telling anyone who wants to listen, I am going to do better.  (So sis, if you are reading this, I will be calling.)

Be understanding

Another huge issue we all have is that we can rub each other the wrong way.  I have a friend that is so negative about everything in her own life that she brings me down whenever we talk.  At the end of our time together I feel so discouraged and find myself judging her.  I’m sorry I’m just being real.  I try to bring in the positive side of things because I am a positive-thinking person. (Maybe overly positive?)   For me, it is hard to listen to all the negatives without trying to fix them.  I’m always thinking how can we change this?  But this friend continually throws up roadblocks to seeing things in a different way.   Maybe she just needs someone to listen, and I shouldn’t take too much stock in it.  I try my best to understand where she is coming from.

Forgiving and forgetting

Everyone has been hurt at one time or another.  If you think you haven’t just wait.  It is bound to happen. And for that I am sorry.  The key here is to quickly forgive.  The Bible tells us to not let the sun go down on our anger.  Forgive the person who hurt you in whatever way.  Remember that forgiving someone doesn’t always mean that you will continue to be friends with that person.  Sometimes you have to break the relationship, otherwise, it may cause you to falter in your walk with God.   

Along with forgiving is forgetting about it.  Forgetting is very important because if we keep bringing the hurt back up in our memory, we get upset all over again causing bitterness to set in. Whether you choose to remain friends or not, letting it go is necessary.   God even tells us that He has thrown our sin as far as the east is from the west.  Think about how far that is.  He forgets it once we have sought his forgiveness.  It is our memory that brings it back up. 

The Bible tells us how valuable friends are to us.  It tells of the great blessings we receive from a good friend, from strength and support to wisdom and a closer relationship with God.  Our friends bring us priceless blessings.  Being a good friend in turn means that we become a blessing to our friends.  Don’t we want to be that?   Cherish your relationships this season and every season.  Make the time.  

1 Thessalonians 5:11 – Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.